#2. Make sure your slapping knee is currently unbruised.

#3. Press the underside of an arm to your tummy.

#4. If standing, hold on to something sturdy.

#5 Put away your pissy.

#6 It’s best to be naked.

#7 Have a hanky nearby for those happy tears.

#8 Get the eye crinkle cream ready.

(Add to this list people)

What? You think I’m kidding?

I said “Bow.” Look again if you don’t believe me. Okay, here’s the thing.. between December Holidays, Mother’s Day, Dad’s Dad, Valentine’s Day, Birthdays, President’s Day, Gay Rights Day, Anniversaries, alrighty, you get the idea. Point is, I’m going to help you get your list prepared NOW. Once this list is put together completely, you’ll never need to spend too much more time trying to come up the perfect gift for anyone!

LoLo’s perfect Gift List starts today, March 12, with the one item which everyone seems to forget. I, LoLo, have not just one, but TWO of these beautacious instruments in my possession. Although I’m more of a farter (vs. a pooper), believe you me, this plunger will take care of you EVERY time.

Oh yes, MOST importantly, you will be thought of every time this instrument is used! Think about that for a moment and realize… this plunger can last a LIFETIME! How many gifts can do that?

Flowers die, plungers last forever.

Does it say, “I love you?” SURE; add a damn gift card (attach it to the bow!).

CLICKY: Master Toilet Plunger

Today, it’s “tubes.” Yes, you READ me right! Tubes!

Do-ya have ANY frickin’ idea how many tubes we have in our world? From a mailing tube to a tube of toothpaste to “Pogonophora – Weird tube worms of the deepest seas.” TUBE-a licious I say! YUMmy!!

This “Introduction to the Pogonophora” tells us (and rightly so) that these tubes lacked “obvious segmentation; even more strangely, it also lacked a mouth, gut, or anus.”

Alright. What-a-minute-here. WHY. Damnit.. why?… does EVERY damn thing have to go STRAIGHT to butt holes? Jeez-o frickin-meezo. YES, I wrote “straight” and “butt hole” in the same sentence. Gays aren’t the ONLY ones who do it in the BUTT! It’s cool that they do it too, but.. hey now. Hold your horses…wooaaaohhh.. down now.

By the way.. side note: Do you ever visit a website that looks like this (Pogonophora, not MINE!!) and wonder how the hell long it’s been there? Who it was written for and why it was relevant to my SEARCH? Oh right, it’s the web, what was I thinking?

So, uh, yes.. LoLo (certainly) Likes underwater sea creatures including tubes who like it up the ass. HOW-ever, if LoLo HAD to choose a particular favorite.. it would have to be the vape tube, which, as we know can be found at any hardware store in the plumbing aisle.

*the thought which hits me in the head.

Ugh!! Sick as it is, this could be (or could not be) one more clue.  Read more…

. . . . . . . . . . .

Although this appears a mixture of hair (please tell me those aren’t pubes), this photo could be a clue to LoLo’s current location. Read more…

. . . . . . . . . .

Submitted by “Paul,” from the “Laughing Duck Pub.”  Read more…

Does this WEBSITE really exist? Yes .. of course it does. Am I surprised?

Let me think about that… NOT!!

Of course some group would buy this domain. Enough said. Oh. They have a webstore. LoLo says “eh?” Plus, in case you were wondering, same group owns the domain “satan.com.” I’m not kidding!

Show me your jokes, I’ll eat your Broccoli. Screw that, I’ll eat your damn matzo balls, bring it ON!

LoLo Likes Old Jews!

Really!

Actually I liked quite a bit of “mercurius‘” Zazzle store. This shirt is hilarious, I’d be PROUD to wear it. You give me Pig Fever too dude (or dude-ette, one never really knows, does one?).

LoLo LIKES it!

Betty’s had her nose in the Bingo Blower for way too long now, come on out Betty, come on..

Betty?

BETTY!!!

LoLo Likes Betty.

A good substantial dump, that’s all it takes to make a day good.

Celebrate with me people, LoLo Likes It!